Complicated Notes

You never think this could happen to you, losing your child to suicide has always been the nightmare for someone else, and then it happens, a normal start to a normal day turns into the most horrific day of my life.

 

When my son Joey tragically took his own life 11-27-22  it was the most devastating and unimaginable pain I have ever experienced and complicated by suicide.  No parent or person is ever prepared for such a loss, and now there are so many unanswered questions, if you do get answers they don't make sense.

Just a sample of the circles in my mind-

Did I miss the signs, how could I miss the signs, I am a mother I should know when my kid is not doing well, but then he was grown and married with kids so I understand I would not know everything, but I am a mom I should know when my kid is not doing good, why couldn't he talk to me, why didn't he ask anyone for help, how the hell did he get so far off the rails, had these thoughts been going on since he was little.....

and this is all within the first 5 minutes of my day. 

 

It has been almost 3 years now and I am learning that healing is walking through emotions one thought at a time, and it doesn’t come with a timeline.

It’s a process, filled with moments of reflection, support from loved ones, and finding meaning in ways that honor his life which is where Music and Just Notes of Kindness comes in.

 

If you’re walking this painful road, know that you aren’t alone. Reach out for support, connect with others who understand, and most importantly, allow yourself grace as you navigate the complexities of loss and healing.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve—just your way, and that’s enough.

More Complicated Notes

Something else I thought would never happen to me and only happened to other people is losing my second son Kyle to a drug overdose 1 year after his brother Joey left us.

This is a horrible nightmare that just gets worse, and I myself am ready to check out. 

Coping with the Loss of My Second Son to a Drug Overdose

 

Losing my second son to a drug overdose has been the second  most devastating experience of my life.

No words can fully capture the pain, the heaviness, or the void left in my heart. Addiction is a cruel disease, a walk through Hell, one that not only takes hold of those we love but also deeply impacts everyone around them

.

I never imagined I would be facing this kind of loss, and even now, it feels surreal. Now on top of the first questions we are going to add more circles of questions on top of those-

How did he get so far gone, he was living with me and I could not help him, why.

I am an addict in recovery myself,  I know its not easy to quit but how did this get so far, why was he so unhappy, had he been dealing with mental illness since he was young,  he never had a diagnosis, how come he couldn't talk to me, was I that bad of a mom?

Now this is two for two I must really be stupid, I could not help either one of my kids. I had one job- and failed miserably.

Again this is the first 5 minutes of my day.

  In the midst of my grief, I am learning how important it is to reach out for support, whether through friends, family, or professionals, and to remind myself that this tragedy was never about failure or blame.

It is a heartbreaking reality that so many families face, and my hope is to honor his memory by raising awareness about the dangers of substance abuse and the importance of compassion in these struggles and this is where

Music and Notes of Kindness come in.

Healing is a slow process, but I take it one day at a time, carrying his love with me always.

The Younger Notes

I was 19 when I had my son Joey, as a young mom I learned parenthood is one of life’s most transformative journeys, often filled with joy, challenges, and special moments of self-reflection.

 

My Joey was my whole world, the sun rose and set on him, he honestly turned my world around for the better and there is nothing I would not do to keep him safe and protected, his father and I just loved that kid more than anything in the world.

I was 23 when my son Kyle came into our lives, our second son and a little brother for my Joey we were all just so excited to say the least.

Kyle had such a cool, gentle, happy vibe about him since day one, he was a very easy baby, hardly ever cried. This guy had me head over heels in love and I was so happy and proud to have this little family, they kept me together and wanting to do the right things and live better.